Pastor Ryan Gaffney

Awkward People

without comments

For a long time I have looked at the church and felt like more was possible. I wonder often about alternative church forms, and ministry structures that break down some of the archaic barriers we have established by tradition. What if instead of a sermon we had more of a discussion? What if small groups had more authority over their own spiritual development? What if the church became a regular community center for people to meet one another and make new friends whenever they wanted to, all week long?

TechnoPuss_2063961iI’ve done some work starting alternative structures. A swing dance ministry, a paintball group, meetup.com…

But most of the ideas have never actualized because I keep running into the same brick wall. Awkward people.

I know I’m one to talk. I can be pretty awkward sometimes, but sometimes speaking from experience may be the only way to break the silence, so here I go.

Why do we have a speech and not a discussion? Because awkward people. One person would sit near the front and dominate the discussion and be offended if you don’t let them ramble.

Why are small groups constrained to curricula about the sermon? Because awkward people. One person would go on a political tirade that offends others in that group unless everyone is only answering yes/no questions.

Why aren’t churches open all the time. Awkward people! One guy would just live there all the time, creep everyone out so that nobody else would come, and it would be extra maintenance and staff hours for nothing.

So when I came upon This Reddit Thread, dealing with a person by the pseudonym of Jack where key strategies were laid out for dealing with people who do not know how to function in groups, I was very excited.

To be clear: It’s not the advice itself that is exciting, The advice is simple, you have a tough conversation with these elements:are-you-socially-awkward-jul-31-2012-1-600x400

  • What’s the outcome you want?
  • What will it require from the person to achieve this outcome?
  • What will you do to help him achieve this outcome?
  • What’s the benefit to the group?
  • What’s the benefit to others?
  • What’s the benefit to the person?

    It will only work some of the time to resolve the problem peacefully. That’s not the point. The point is that the strategy exists. The point is that there are people out there who have spent enough time addressing these sorts of issues (not avoiding them) to have written strategies about it. To get good at it.

    If people can be good at it, then people can get better at it.

    I’m especially excited about the last bullet point, where there is an expressed benefit to the person. What if churches were a place that awkward people could come and learn to hang? What if there was a discipleship process that understood learning to interact in groups as part and parcel of loving ones neighbor? What if helping your socially challenged neighbor was a part of the same?

    20140727_090433Heck! What if there was a pastor on staff, who was known and admired in the community for their ability to help people develop greater social skills?

    If we are going to dream about a better way to do church, we need to put serious intellectual resources into developing strategies for the Awkward neighbor. We need this more than we need market research, more than we need cultural relevance, more than we need radical redefinitions.

    If our churches can figure out how to work with the Jacks of the world such that we remain welcoming to them, but do not close down opportunities for the rest of us, then our churches will find they already know how to work.

    Trust me on this one

  • Written by admin

    April 22nd, 2015 at 10:24 pm

    Posted in Uncategorized

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